JDEE HEARTz ENNA 637

*sigh.. i dun even noe where 2 start :-< .. y is it everytym dat summinz botherin' me dis' d' 1st place i wud go n' share my feelinz 2 n' shi?.. haiii.. dangg ryt now i dun even noe how 2 feel. it juz happened so fas' n' so soon dat ndi ko tlga alam san ako mguumpsa. i dun NOE. i cant sleep. i wanna do summin buh i cant seem 2 get ther'. i wanna col her buh i dun wanna push her away even mor' or force her in2 doin' summin she dun even wanna do. y is it ME feelin' dis way tho? i mean, after ol dis tym shudnt i b' d' 1 in HER place? in HER shoez? so bkit prang ako n2man ung nag mu2khang tnga feelin' ol shi n' stuff? WHY?!.. *sigh... fuk it sux tlga 2 b' givin' everythin' u can, ol u hav', everythin' u r 2 d' person u luv so much 'coz @ 'd 'nd ikaw ung ms2ktan ng sobra2.. or is it? iono.. ol i noe ryt now is dat dis cant b' tru. it cant b' happenin'. buh den again, d' truth it, it IS. itz tru. eveythin' is fo' reaal. buh WHY?! WHY WHY WHY!?!? i feel lyk 'm bk 2 1st base again.. itz funny 'coz itz sumtym DiS tym las' yr wen we kinda 1st met. we kinda started talkin' n' stuff. began bein' frenz n' tingz.. den 'bout couple o' monthz l8r dat woz wen we started dealin'.. fuk hu wudv thot it wud 'nd dis way?! 'm hurtin so bad i rili dunno wat 2 say.. i noe i hav' ol dese thingz in mah mind i juz wanna share n' 'xpress n' everythin' buh juz d' thot ov o' d' fac' wer' DUHN? is killin' me so much dat itz so fukin hard 2 let it ol out. i feel lyk 'm dyin'. y i cant b' lyk her n' every1 els' hu can go thru dese thingz wen deyr broken harted? y cant i b' so numb n' nuh feelin' nethin' nlng pra mdali dn pra skin? how comez pra sa knya mdali lng 'to? how comez fo' her kya nya 'to? wen nuh long ago she woz so scared 2 loze me. cryin' her eyez out nuh lein' me wanna cool thingz off or nuh wantin' me outf her lyf etc shi? so y NOW she hasta 'nd it dis way?....... i juz wanna cry.. cry so much dat i wish i wud fall asleep n' neva wakin' up again. fo' everythin' we went thru n' everythin' dat we wer' wen we wer' hapi felt so perfect n' ryt dat now i juz wanna die.. *sigh... ol m' wishin' n' prayin' fo' now is dat she'l realize watta mistake she made n' hope she wud come bk 2 me.. buh waeva happenz kung ndi na uli pwdeng mngyri un, i'll juz hav' 2 take it as anutha lesson learned. a lesson which i wud make shur wud NEVER, EVER happen again in d' future 'coz it hurts so much 2 noe dat d' person u LOVED, LOVE n' d' person dat sed LOVED u bk, isnt urs nemor', buh juz anutha memory lef' 2 b' thankful fo'... i love her. i'll alwayz wil'. n' no matter wat happenz she'l ALWAYZ b' in mah hart 'till d' 'nd. d' way i promized her.. 4ever... god imisU so much! ='( iloveu ='( *sigh... plz god help me!...................

dayymm!.. wow wen woz d' las' tym i wrote summin on 'ere n2man? shii.. felt lyk 4eva 'tho it myt juz b' a month or so.. hehe.. nehow... 'm BARE bored ryt now das prolly y 'm doin' dis.. wat can i say?.. wats bn happenin' wiv me dese pas' fyu dayz n' monthz?.. wkz too i ges. lolz. wtv? nvm haha!.. nwayzz.. nm's bn goin' on wiv me.. nuh dat i cud think ov or noe ov nway.. hmm.. i mean.. me n' mah baby's algud.. wer' on r 9monthz now wow blis tlga ng araw mang juz les' than 3monthz 2 go 1yr na nmin!?   shii... felt lyk 4EVA since iv' known her dangg... so aun. hehe.. movin' on... i rili need anutha job mang cant bear it na tlga dun sa factory na yon!    buh ye', i ges fo' now i rili need 2 keep my feet workin' on dat 1 hnggang end ov may lng cguro pra lng sa mga b2yran. after non i shud b' aite na 'coz den wla nkong b2yran sa mga bils or shi' lolz.. haiii tlga buhaii nga nman hirap minsan.. buh i ges das how we learn huh?.. *sigh... wla nkong maicp na sbhin haha!.. iv' juz duhn watchin SHEs THE MAN on Mi MADRE's LAPTOP. haha! yess.. 'm 1 ov those hedz dat does d' "iLLEGAL" stuff. bwahaha! nwayz.. ye' film woz gud.. i woz laughin' mah hed off quite nuff tymz lolz.. 'tho it got me missin' football waa!   yes it CERTAiNLY did. dangg.. mang imis' playin' football! lolz.. yana.. playin' fo' my town, skoo, college wat nuh n' d' team i h8 d' mos' bwahaha! haii tlga... so aun... wla nkong maicp na sbhin tlga.. bsta otha than ol dat 'm aite. hehe.. juz missin' mah baby as usual! 8-|  *sigh... cia.. i shud duk na 'coz i gtg pik' up mi hermana n' my PAMANGKiN down deyr yard so... L8ERz! lolz... payshe! d' fuk? haha!... wun.

i dun even noe y 'm botherin' wiv dis.. i ges itz 'coz i need 2 release dis feelin' 'm feelin' insyd ryt now.. ewan ko ba.. ryt now i juz feel lyk d' world's bein' unfair 2 me; altho i noe, gnyan nga tlga ang buhai n' ndi lng ako ung dumdaan sa gnitong ctuation n' ther' R otha ppol goin' thru FAR wors' ctuation than me ryt now, buh iono.. 'm rili juz h8in' everythin' ryt now. ewan bsta!.. i rili juz dun understand y itz gotta b' dis way.. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ewan! thers so much i wanna release outf me buh i cant seem 2 get dem out ryt now fo' sum f'in reason!.. haii.. 'm i doin' d' ryt thing? 'm i bein' too selfish? 'm i nuh bein' UNfair? wat?!.. wat is it das wrong wiv me? y 'm i lyk dis?! y 'm i feelin' dis way ryt now? WHY WHY WHY?!?!?! fuk noez mang!.. ol i noe is dat i shudn' giv' in 2 ppol too much esp sa taong mhal ko 'coz @ d' 'nd o' d' day, itz me lef' wiv NUTHiN', lyk lef' wiv UNfairnes.. e' bsta dko mxplain!.. bsta ryt now i juz wish i woznt ME. u noe? i feel lyk bein' me isnt dat easy.. i need 2 LEARN 2 think 'bout myself fo' 1s. LEARN nuh 2 get too hunged up on sum1 so much. LEARN 2 care 'bout MY feelingz.. LEARN nuh 2 feel sori or feel bad or EVEN, learn 2 say NO 2 ppol 1s ina wyl 'coz @ d' 'nd o' d' day uli, AKO n2man ang mgmu2khang tnga "@" nagmu2khang TANGA. dangg!.. *sigh.... i dunno. i rili dun. i dunno wat 2 do nemor'. 'm i ova reactin'? or is dis how itz rili meant 2 b' ryt now? i mean cmon, everythin' HAPPENs fo' a reason ryt? so i ges thers a reason fo' dis STUPi' F'iN' CTUATiON 'm goin' thru ryt now ryt? or y i made dis dcsion. ryt?.. *big sigh... mang.. i ges wer' neva gon find out, or iM neva gon' find out unles' i go thru wiv it. ryt? i mean go thru wiv dis dcsion i made ryt now. noe i mean? so wat now den? i ges as fo' now, we'l juz hafta c wat happens. 'm nuh hapi makin' dis dcsion. no. HELL NO; buh neitha wil' thingz go/ luk/ b' ne better in d' future than it is if i wont go thru it. 'coz kung lgi na ngang gnto fo' how many monthz n' nuthinz changed, den how d' hell r thingz gonna change nx' tym kung ndi ko ihi2nto un ryt now? makes sense? hell 'do i giv' a fuk!.. bsta. i need 2 do dis in order 2 put myself bk 2getha n' b' strong 'bout myself/ FOR myself.. 'm doin' dis bcoz i NEED 2. nuh bcoz i WANT 2. 'm doin' dis bcoz itz fo' a reason. a reason dat myt nuh change nethin', yet a reason 2 LEARN fr'. *sigh (n2man)... i shud go now. 'm outz. i stil' got work uli 2moro.. iono. mayb' i shud get anutha job 2 keep myself even mor' bc huh? khit na 50hrs a wk na gingwa ko. haii.. ewan bhala na kung anong mngyri or ano mpg3pan!.. aite 'm outz na tlga nm2ga pa mata ko since dis mornin' 'd fuk noez y. haii.. cge bye na snyo... *guhn.

dangg 'ere i 'm again workin' fo' dawnpac!... mind u tho d' las' tym i worked fo' dat company woz lyk 3yrs ago. ahahaha! n' mangg hav' i fogot how tuff it woz workin' @ dat dangg factory :-L  .. shii mang 8 n' haf hrs ov standin' packin meat! helll i woz close fr' juz faintin' mang dat whole hrs ov packin' got me dizzy coz ol i woz seein' woz meat meat meat n' MOR meat! dayngg.. n' it woz propa f3zin' aswel' so it got mah f'in legz propa knackered lyk woa'! n' mah dangg shoulders r rili killin' me too pti rin likod ko haii :-<  ... mayb' ndi nrin cguro ako snay na nktyo fo' how many hrs 'coz d' las' tym i did dat woz MONTHZ ago hahaha! buh ye', cguro nman itz ol worth it @ d' 'nd wen i finally got NOMOR' bills 2 pay n' i cud FiNALLY save up n' juz keep spendin' doe weneva i want 2. nyahaha! of cors, i gotta spend my doe wisely, so got mah baby 2 help me control myself on dat 1. lolz.. buh leas' now wla nkong prob   i mean it iS tirin' n' ol workin' ther' buh i juz gotta bear wiv it fo' now 'till mayb' summer den i cud finally move na sa oxford n' got d' doe fo' d' rent n' shi. lolz.. so i shudnt complain ryt? i mean, thers ppol out ther' workin' FAR' mor' wors' than me wen talkin' 'bout d' HRS ov work dey do.. helll.. so ye' i shud shuup 'bout d' whole knackered ting shi'. nwayz!.. movin' on.. mang itz bn AGES since i wrote summin on dis too. ting is, i juz bn bc since mah bday wiv mah bu bein' 'ere tpos me bein' in oxford n' i juz got bk fr' ther' aswel khpon hehe so ye' i juz havent rili bn bothered wiv dis. lolz.. buh 'ere i 'm again so yall gon' hafta put up wiv it again. nyahehe! wtf! nehoo... juz duhn watchin' FD3 aswel' i dloaded it lasnyt hehehe.. baddd jd's doin' sum iLLEGAL stuff bwahaha! aw hell mang itz nuh lyk 'm d' ONLY 1 doin' it in dis goddangg world! bsydz, d' las' tym i dloaded sum films woz 'bout how many yrs ago so i cud b' let off fo' dis 1 hehehe.. aun.. so.. d' film woz aite.. it got my jaw droppin' lyk WOA' @ sum parts so dat shud mean summin ryt? lolz. iono which 1's better tho. 1s, 2nd or dis 1? :-?  .. mayb' d' 1st 1. *shrugs.. itz always d' 1st das d' bes'. lolz! buh ye' 'woz stil' heavey so id recommend dat fo' dem brutal film fanz out ther'. hehehe! aun.. 'la nkong msbi. 'm juz propa tyrd ryt now esp. only had 'bout 4 n' haf hrs ov sleep lasnyt 8-|  buh ye'... haii.. mang i shud duk out now knina pa dn yta ako w8 ng baby ko fo' me 2 col her so l8z yall! i'll upd8 on dis again weneva 'm bothered.. fo' now, wish me luck again on mah 2nd day @ work 2moro. lolz.. payshe! 

nyahahahaha!.. *sings*  hapi bday jd, hapi bday jd.. hapi bday hapi bday.... hapi bday jd! lolz mang 'm so sad! hehehe.. pno nman kc. 'd n2man ako mktulog :-L mah bu woz meant 2 b' callin' me bk 'round 12:30 ish buh she neva did :-L  dingd her 'round an hR l8r after dat buh it woz her vmail.. so iono if she woz on d' fone, or her fone woz lowbat already bfo dat =/  i dun wanna b' puttin' thingz on mah mind again so i'l juz ASSUME, khit na ndi cguro, na lowbat na nga cia bfo dat n' she prolly fell asleep nuh knowin' dat her fone died on her already. un. so.. ryt now, she'z prolly fas' asleep SNORiN' 8-| haii.. hehe sori bu hadta say it. e' kc nman u woz mena col e'!   *sniff.. so ye'. nwayz, itz koo tho ima lechu off dis 1s seein' as ur gon' hafta trek 'leas 'bout 3hrs or so juz 2 get 'ere down MY 'nd!   so ye', i aint gon' b' upset 'bout dat khit na i wanted 2 spend sumor tym chattin' 2 u on d' fone buh itz koo nga lyk i sed c ima cU dn nman l8r e', dba?  =)  .. so un.. *thinx... mang i rili cant w8 'till l8r 'coz mah baby's gon' meet every1 na sa fampz ko!   ahahaha mas 'xsyted pko na mkita cia 'coz shez comin' down n' tingz n' mmeet nya na nga d' res' o' d' fampz imbis na 'xsyted 'coz itz my BDAY. lolz! e' pno nman kc, bday lng yan, 'd mciadong importante skin ang bday ko. nhux! :> drma tlga ni jd! bwahahaha! shii... so aun.. i ges i shud lock off dis na tlga since itz already pas' 3am n' i stil' gotta wake up erly 2 finish off clearin' up 'ere sa bhai n' gotta do sum otha thingz. so... i'll get bk 2 dis nlng l8r. hehe 'leas den nand2 na cguro bu ko na nyan by dat tym!   so... PAYSHE yall! n' hapi bday uli skin. lollollolZ! n'... FENKiNYOO's sa mga nag greet skin. hehe.. ONE.